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Jacob Dirnhuber
Lower Sixth
School House

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris

March 10 is a bloody day in history. During the American Civil War in 1864, The Red River Campaign began as Union troops reached Alexandria, Louisiana. In 1906 Europe’s worst ever mine disaster, Courrièrs, occurred killing 1099 miners in Northern France. In 1945, the USAF firebombed Tokyo and the resulting fires killed more than 100,000 civilians.

However, five years before the USAF bombing a cinematic legend, and later an internet cult hero, Chuck Norris was born* in Ryan, Oklahoma. Curiously as a child, he was nonathletic and shy, even academically slow. In 1958 he joined the USAF (remember them?) and was deployed to South Korea. Here he learned the martial arts that made him a legend both on and off the screen and acquired the nickname Chuck. He left the USAF in August 1962, returning to his hometown and opening a karate school.

He competed in the International Karate Championship and while working here he was identified by producers and gained his big break, making his cinematic debut in the action film, The Green Berets. He has since starred in such films as Way of the Dragon, Missing in Action and The Hitman. He has played himself twice, in the films Sidekicks and DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story.

In 2005, he became the subject of a bizarre internet phenomenon that supposedly lists his ‘achievements’ and feats. It started as a byproduct of the ‘Vin Diesel Facts Generator’, but the popularity of the Chuck Norris Facts soon outstripped the original. Chuck has declared that he finds them humorous and inoffensive. Despite this, he sued the author of The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World’s Greatest Human claiming ‘trademark infringement, unjust enrichment and privacy rights’.

Here is a selection of some of the weird, wonderful and downright illogical ‘facts’:

  • Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.
  • Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. Chuck Norris was the first man to walk on the sun.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity — twice.
  • The original title for Alien vs Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into pre-production. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
  • Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.

*According to internet legend, he was never born, he simply exists.

10 March 2011

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